‘The hospice helped me deal with the sheer terror of losing my husband’

Both Brians’ sons took part in the game between Harpenden Colts Old Boys and Skew Bridge, which also featured Luton Wanderers in a round robin. The event raised more than £3,800 which will be split between Keech Hospice Care and Grove House.

Linda of Woodbury Hill says she met some of her closest confidantes at the hospice. “Not the obvious place to find new friends,” as she wryly admits.

But when her sales manager husband was dying, she says she couldn’t wait for her weekly fix at Keech carers group.

“No-one understands what you’re going through except someone in the same situation,” she said.

“In the morning we’d grizzle about what was happening. Then in the afternoon we’d cry with laughter. We’d go into the realms of fantasy, planning all sorts of crazy things like pantomimes.

“I suppose you cling to the fantasy because the reality is so hard to deal with.”

She’s still sees them once a week. “We’ve formed a splinter group,” she said. “We call ourselves the Carers and Don’t Carers. That’s because two of us are now widows.”

Brian, a former deputy mayor of Harpenden, died within seven months of being diagnosed with cancer.

Linda said it was like being hit by a bus. But what made it worse was that so many of Brian’s extended family were unable to deal with it.

“I could see the pain it caused him,” she said. “I was totally confused by their reaction. I couldn’t understand how they could walk away from us when we needed them so much.

“There were times when I couldn’t even cope going to a crowded supermarket. I wanted to kill the kids who were having tantrums, I wanted to have a trolley dash straight at them.

“The first time I went to a carers group I was physically shaking I was so shell shocked. I didn’t really think of myself as a carer because the diagnosis was so recent and overwhelming.

“The support I got was fantastic. I used to worry about anything and everything but they taught me to set myself a ‘worry’ time of 20 minutes. And it worked.

“I wrote a list and didn’t think about what was on it until 7pm and by then I’d forgotten most of it. It was brilliant.

“The hospice helped me deal with the emotion and sheer terror of losing my husband. I was so frightened about the future.

“They showed me how to accept the situation and taught me coping strategies.”

Linda is immensely proud of her son Charlie, who’d just finished university when his dad was diagnosed. “It really hit him hard,” she said. “But he told his father ‘We haven’t got much time left so we’re going to make the most of it.’

“Every day was absolutely vital because we knew we had only a few months. But Brian made it very easy for us. We talked openly. He even said he didn’t want to die without telling me all the things I’d done to annoy him.” Then Linda turned the tables and rattled off all his bad points. “It was cathartic,” she smiled.

“He left me notes here, there and everywhere. I found one recently that said ‘One day the pond will leak - ha ha ha.’ And that made me laugh.”

Linda’s experience had made her passionate about carers. She also hopes her story will make other families and friends think twice before turning their back on anyone with a terminal illness. “That would make it worthwhile,” she said.

> For more information about Keech Hospice Care ring 01582 492339 or email [email protected]