Brawling guests and scrapping mourners have seen police crash weddings and wakes across Bedfordshire.
Family fighting, high emotions and bucket loads of booze have been blamed for scores of services ruined this year by guests breaking the law.
A Bedfordshire Police investigation has unearthed the incredible reasons why 999 was called at weddings and funerals.
One wedding guest called 999 after they were bitten by a dog in Leighton Buzzard, while the long arm of the law was needed in Luton after two guests begun fighting.
But brawls have also broke out at funerals, with two burials marred when a fight erupted.
Alcohol, handbags and mobiles have been pinched while police were needed in Apsley Guise when mourners left a funeral - without paying their bar tab.
Police have been needed at 17 weddings or funerals in the region so far this year.
However only one person was brought to court with many victims, seemingly willing to forgive and forget once the hangover has worn off, dropping charges.
Bestselling celebrity author GP Taylor was a vicar before leaving the church a decade ago.
In his 13 years as a man of the cloth he said he witnessed some incredible sites - and claimed alcohol was usually at the root of them..
“There was one incident when the service went well but once this family all left the church and moved outside, they all just started fighting,” said Mr Taylor, author of the bestselling Shadowmancer books, which have been turned into Hollywood movies.
“It got so out of control they brought a dog handler in - it was absolute carnage.
“There were people running around with blood on their shirts, which had been ripped in the scuffle while people were screaming and crying.”
“I said to them ‘This is a house of God and a place of peace!’ But it didn’t stop them, and it just kicked off.”
But it isn’t just days of celebration in which tempers flared.
“There was a funeral at a church in which the police had to remove a mourner as she was paralytic drunk,” added Mr Taylor.
“She was screaming shouting, falling over people and falling over the coffin.
“It was hysterically funny but it is a time of great sadness so you have to be sensitive.”
He also recalls another incident where police were called to collect a vicar from a hedge after he drunkenly fell into it prior to a christening.
“Another vicar was called to do the service while he sobered up in the back of the police van,” added the author.
The information was obtained via a Freedom of Information request to Bedfordshire Police.
Despite being a day of joy, police are more likely to be called to a wedding than a funeral in the region.
However, Bedfordshire’s offences pale in comparison to those committed elsewhere in the country.
In South Wales, someone working at a wedding reception exposed themselves to a guest, while in East Yorkshire a bride’s parents were arrested after hurling expletives at the groom’s family.
And in perhaps the most shocking incident, one guest at a Derbyshire wedding was arrested for rape.
The alleged rapist was only cautioned for the sex attack.
And while most services pass without incident, Mr Taylor added: “The trouble is these are times of incredible emotion, and any time alcohol is involved and families are brought together that can be fractious.”