Ex-Hatter Ricky Miller opens up about mental illness

Former Hatters striker Ricky Miller has opened up about the mental illness which affected his move to Kenilworth Road back in June 2014.

The now 31-year-old was signed by then Town manager John Still after a superb season at Boston United where he scored 28 goals.

However, he only played 15 times for Luton, netting twice, before leaving a year later, released after an alleged assault on a taxi driver that he was later found not guilty of.

He moved to Dover where he had another superb spell, on target 45 times, to be named National League Player of the Year and then headed back to the Football League with Peterborough United.

However, he couldn't reproduce those feats at London Road, and writing on Twitter recently, admitted it was down to suffering from a mental breakdown when heading into the pro game.

He said: "I could get so much more out of myself inside then away from people where I felt safe and secure.

"I could push myself to limits which normal people can’t, it’s just a shame I felt I could never explain this to anyone and the only way I could get myself fit was to pretend I was ill or something.

“I had to have a few days away from the lads every now and then go and see my family to try and build my head strength for going back.

“That’s why I was amazing at Dover, I could train once a week and work my ass off every day or with my pt (personal trainer) one on one and it’s no secret why I did well, and every time I went into pro football I had a mental breakdown.

"I was the fittest guy in the league by a mile, I could sprint all day because I was willing to put the hours in but I sink around people and lose all confidence if I spend too long around them.”

Whilst at Posh, Miller was loaned to Mansfield, netting once in eight substitute appearances,

On leaving United, the forward had a spell at Port Vale, with six goals in 35 games, before departing in June 2019.

He added: “I used to fake injury and beast myself in the gym on my own as I used to clam up and have panic attacks around the lads sometimes.

"Then I’d go home get in bed and hide from the world and be depressed or go and have a few drinks to make the depression go away or my anxiety and thoughts stop.

“It made me feel better, then that would multiply my anxiety and panic attacks by ten.

"I could barely face going into work let alone training.

"I had no friends family up here, I couldn’t confide in my manager or team-mates, my only defence mechanism was act tough and pretend I didn't care, when I cared soo soo much.

"That's probably why it meant so much to me and I was so hard on myself.”